Another Thursday. Christmas is next week, how can that be? This year I haven't made any cookies. Last night I bought a gingerbread house kit at Walmart, this weekend the girls and I will make it. Should be interesting.
The situation on my dad-- the rollercoaster ride resumes. We went to his condo on Saturday night. He is so thin and gaunt. His face looks sunken in. He mostly sat in the recliner. He didn't look like my dad. He was so thin that I didn't hug him when we left. I grabbed his hand and told him I would see him soon. He looked up at me and quietly said, "Thanks for visiting me, Erpie." (Erp is an old nickname of mine).
On Tuesday night I called my stepmom to see how my dad was doing. She said it seems the cancer has spread to his brain, he is very confused, didn't even know what month it was, or how to read the calendar. She asked the hospice nurse if this confusion was due to all the morphine he takes, and the nurse said no, all the symptoms appear to be from the cancer entering the brain. He has large tumors on his head, my stepmom said. She said his breathing is strange, and she asked me to sleep next to my cell phone, in case she needed to call me.
I am so tired of all this. I know that sounds selfish...it isn't about my suffering, it's about his...but I am just so tired of waiting. He's never going to get better, the old dad that I grew up with is gone, and in his place is this shadow of who he was-- a thin, weak man in pain. I am struggling with why God is letting him suffer for so long, letting all of us suffer.
On a brighter note, the girls are doing great. Both are excited about Christmas. All their gifts are bought, I just need to finish wrapping them. Kylie will be so excited about the snowflake Build-A-Bear that she's been wanting. And Sophie will love the Powerpuff Girl dolls. I can't wait to see the excitement on their faces when they see all the presents.
2 comments:
Cancer is such an awful disease. I feel so badly for your whole family that it's been so long and drawn out. Although on the one hand it's so hard to go through something like this around the holidays (not that there is ANY time that is easy to go through this) on the other hand it seems like the holidays help create a positive distraction to at least some small degree. I can't wait until Nadia is old enough to really enjoy Christmas. I will pray for the Lord to keep your Dad from as little pain as possible and that He will give peace and comfort to you and your family - the kind that only He can give. I wish I could give you a hug in person.((((hugs))) and prayers. I mean that sincerely...
Hi Erica-I so enjoy reading your blog and keeping up with how the girls are growing! Will keep you guys in my prayers. (Just so you know how is sending this comment, I work with Jim) Have a wonderful and Merry Christmas!
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