Thursday

This weekend we will be out at Coco Keys. It's a local indoor water resort, inside a hotel. We've never been before, but we missed the water park at Myrtle Beach so we decided to take a mini-vacation. We leave Friday after kindergarten and stay through Sunday. The girls are excited and ask several times a day when is Friday going to arrive.

This week has been a little depressing. My father is doing worse, actually my stepmom said that he told her this is the worse he has ever felt. Usually we talk every day but he's been too ill to come to the phone the past few days. Yesterday they spent all day at the hospital getting a PET scan and trying to drain his lung. He didn't have enough fluid in his lungs to drain. They ended up taking him to the emergency room to hook him up to an iv because he was so dehydrated. And now he's using a cane to walk. A cane! This is my 65 year old father who used to walk 5 miles a day and had more energy than those half his age...and now he's using a cane. I fear that the end is near, but then again maybe that shouldn't be a fear. Maybe it would be a blessing to have him no longer suffering.

Yesterday we were suppposed to have dinner with my dad and stepmom after the hospital but he was feeling so bad that they had to cancel. It rained all day yesterday and the sky was grey and it was just such a dreary day. I can't stand this- the not knowing from day to day, the not sleeping (it's 5:30 a.m. and I have been up since 4), the pit in my stomach each time the phone rings. How long can this go on? Months? Years?

I suppose I'm lucky because I've never had to deal with deathly illness. My mom's mom was sick for several years but she was in her 80s when she passed. My dad's mother still drove and took water aerobics in her nineties! You expect your parents to die, but not while in their 60s, certainly someone not as active as my father.

Maybe the next time I post my mood will be a little better.